Friday, June 28, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
What the F**k is wrong with me?!!
I am done. I just can't do this any more. I am trying to fix my life, but I have run out of ideas. I just don't know what to do any more. The only thing I am certain of is that I need to hang on to my sobriety. Without that I have nothing. I don't even know how I have hung on this far to that.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Day 386 still here
Too chicken to kill myself today. But, that day is coming. Suicide ideation is growing stronger.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
If I don' t hit the lottery tonight.....
...tomorrow, I am going to end it all. Clean my house and end it all. Have enough money to buy me a gallon of vodka. Will attend the 7 pm meeting. Eat a last good meal and then drink myself into forever obliviion.
That is it! Done. I can not do this anymore.
That is it. No more pain. Goodbye stress and worry. I am not strong enough to go on any more.
I don't want to do this any more.
Day 385 Skipped My 10 AM Meeting
Feel self centered and full of self pity right now. Do I fall off the wagon today or continue on the road of sobriety and misery? Stay tuned.. Don't know the answer to that question. I just wish I could shut up the voices in my head for five minutes!!!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Day 383 of Recovey
it has been a hell of a journey. waiting for the Promises to come true. so far, it has been a total bust. my life has gotten worse. how did I end up where I am now? can it get any worse than this? More later. Too tired right now.
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